Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"The Bachelor," or How to help a D-Bag to become a BIGGER D-Bag

WARNING: The following is a diatribe against "reality" TV. You've been warned...

I think that when Judgement Day comes, there will be a special level of H-E-double-hockey-sticks for the producers of 95 percent of reality TV. And right next to them will be most of the contestants.

This week brought us the spectacle of a major league D-BAG on "The Bachelor" who may have done more damage to the institution of marriage than any divorce statistic may ever do. First, he pimps his kid out on the show to find a new wife/mother, then - after making "the toughest decision of his life" - he dumps one woman on live TV and picks the runner-up.

Remember, of course, that the whole "Bachelor" process is - by its very nature - a Persian Bazaar approach to dating. You take one man (or woman) and line them up with two dozen potential matches who proceed to pull out all their tricks (up to and including MAJOR canoodling) in order to "win" the heart of the Bachelor (or Ette). It culminates in a proposal finale where the star of the show chooses between two possible mates, complete with an engagement ring.


I guess they've had some real doozies in the past - there was the rich doctor guy, the former NFL quarterback, the rich heir... each of whom has picked their perfect match, none of whom are still together.

In this particular installment, we had a former male contestant (from "The Bachelorette) with a son who was looking for a new wife and mom to his son. Jason, aka "The Dumb-Ass D-Bag," was a divorced father who thought that rather than try and meet someone the "old-fashioned way" that might be a good future wife and mom to his son, he would go on national TV and use "The Bachelor" instead.

So, to recap - divorcee (with child) goes on national TV to find future spouse/mother to said child in a completely artificial "courting process" that sees him simultaneously dating and "wooing" a bunch of different women (who apparently have no problem with being seen as a fame-grabbing and desperate) only to whittle it down to two choices, one of whom he proposes to ON NATIONAL TV and then breaks up with just a few weeks later when he figures out that "reality" (aka, soft-focus TV and contrived "dates") is way different from REALITY (aka, having a mature relationship based on trust and mutual respect that requires MATURITY).

And we are surprised by this "shocker" outcome? Hmmm...

Quick aside: When my wife and I were dating, I am pretty certain that had I said to her "You know, you're really super-cool and all, but I think I want to simultaneously date 20 other women just to make sure that you are 'The One'... is that OK?" that the answer would have been "Umm... NO!" followed by one (or all) of the following: Dumping my ass, beating me with a stick, and possibly kicking me in the junk. Yet this is OK for all of the folks involved in "The Bachelor"...
The divorce rate in this country currently hovers around 50 percent. Do the math: One in every two marriages results in a divorce. Why? Well, speaking as a newly married person, marriage is HARD. Having an adult relationship with someone is HARD. Why? Because it requires you to not be selfish. It requires you to think of another person. It requires you to be open to change. To listen. To not walk away when something goes wrong or you disagree.

But marriage is also fantastic. You get to say to someone "I love you" and hear them say it back and not wonder if there's an ulterior motive. You get to learn everything about someone, and you become fascinated with who they are what makes them who they are. You take your heart, give it to someone, and feel the exhilaration when they give you theirs in return. I have learned more about what it truly means to love someone in the 9 & 1/2 months I have been married than I did in the 35 years that I was single. And I have learned that loving that person takes work, but the rewards will give you happiness that knows no bounds.

All this I learned, though, by committing myself to ONE PERSON, and not two people of dubious intentions on a "reality" show.

According to the Nielsen overnight ratings, 15.5 million people watched this farce on Monday night. Watched a complete D-Bag break the heart of two women, and then make up with the first dumpee because he couldn't stop thinking about her WHILE HE WAS WITH THE "WINNER"!

Oh yeah - did I mention he has a kid? That he's a "loving father"? Bulls**t. A loving father wouldn't try and find a suitable step mom for his son on a show like "The Bachelor." Again, the divorce rate is at 50 percent - we should spending more time showing what a REAL relationship is like and how a REAL marriage is supposed to happen and thrive. But instead we get this crap...
It's not enough to lay the blame for all of this at the feet of the D-Bag. The producers of "The Bachelor" are responsible as well. They should look themselves in the mirror and ask themselves if they like profiting from this whole reprehensible enterprise, showing how venal, immature and desperate people can be for "love."

I don't know if any of the above makes any sense... probably doesn't. All I know that every time I see some article, blog or TV show talking about how "juicy" and "exciting" this show is, I throw up a little in my mouth. And then I remind myself how lucky I am that I am not a fame-grabbing whore who needs a "reality" TV show to confirm what we already knew - I'm a raging D-Bag.

And then I kiss my wife.

1 comment:

Tara said...

That was AWESOME